Pokémon Black and White introduced players into a fifth generation of Pokémon, bringing the entire amount of pocket monsters to just under a billion. With so many Pokémon available, just what is a coach supposed to know which ones would be the best? Simple: I’m going to tell you which ones are the ideal. So grab a pencil and some paper you’re going to need to take notes.
I’m obviously a Pokémon specialist, as evident by my magnificent analysis of a number of the new Pokémon in the Black and White. But because I have yet to play Version 2, I asked my fellow editor Kyle to give me his picks of the best Generation V Pokémon, so I might offer my professional evaluation of these for your edification. However, it didn’t take me long to understand his picks are all horrible, therefore after assessing his pitiful lineup, I’m also supplying what are the real best Gen V Pokémon. Let the learning begin!
Pignite
Kyle told me Tepig was his starter Pokémon, so I’m guessing he thinks Pignite is amazing because of his own silly, sentimental attachment. There are just two issues with this. First, Oshawott is clearly the best beginning Pokémon from B&W (although Tepig is still better than the snooty jerkbag Snivy). Second, why can he pick Pignite and not Emboar? He probably wasn’t great enough to evolve his own Pignite to its final form. Regardless, Pignite remains fairly great.
Official Pokémon Rating (as decided by me): 5
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Watchog
I made fun of Watchog in my previous analysis — especially, I questioned just how good of a lookout Watchog could be if he got captured by a trainer at the first location. Notably Kyle! Watchog does look incredibly pissed off, however, so he can probably bully weenie Pokémon such as Deerling.
Official Pokémon Rating: 4.5
Herdier
I’m seriously beginning to wonder Kyle’s Pokémon-choosing abilities. Herdier is not a Pokémon. He is a Scottish woman. Guess what happens if you attempt to make a couple of Scottish Terriers battle each other?
Tirtouga ends up being better than most of Kyle’s options, but I have to wonder: Why do we need another turtle Pokémon once we’ve already got Squirtle? I get that Tirtouga is a Water/Rock hybrid Pokémon, but it still seems like he’s horning in on Squirtle’s game, and Squirtle is straight up O.G. — I wouldn’t mess with him.
Official Pokémon Rating: 6 (Squirtle’s Official Pokémon Rating: 10)
Musharna
Kyle clearly didn’t read my past Pokémon evaluation, since Musharna is just another disturbing selection that I already took to action. This is what I wrote previously:
« My God, this Pokémon remains a fetus! What kind of sicko is going to generate a fetus fight? »
Clearly we finally have the answer: Kyle is that kind of sicko.
Coming Up : More lousy picks by Kyle…
Solosis
What’s with Kyle’s obsession with Pokémon that haven’t even had a opportunity to fully shape yet? I think it’s clear what is happening here: Kyle isn’t very great at Pokémon, so he chooses the weakest creatures he can find in order to have a justification when he loses. In that sense, Solosis is a great option.
Official Pokémon Rating: 0
Official Pokémon Rating For People Who Wish To Lose: 10
Yamask
Yamask? Much like Yakiddingme? This Pokémon’s entire persona is built around its hide, which it only holds with its own tail. What do Yamasks even do with their masks? According to the Pokédex, »Sometimes they examine it and shout. » That really doesn’t seem helpful whatsoever! Yamasks are much worse compared to evolved kind, Cofagrigus, which all of us know is only a sarcophagus with wacky arms and legs.
I have absolutely no trouble with this pick.
Apparently, Deino thinks he’s a part of The Beatles. I never thought I would type this sentence, yet this dragon should receive a haircut. But a mop-top dragon is still technically a warrior, so he’s got that going for him. Also, Deino is a Dark/Dragon hybridvehicle, which is much better than a Rainbow/Dragon hybridvehicle, or Candycorn/Dragon hybrid, or whatever other stupid Pokémon kinds you can find. But, Deino can evolve to Hydreigon, in which point his front legs become two heads.
Official Pokémon Rating: Less Cool Than Hydreigon
Beartic
Hey, what do you understand? Kyle finally picked a cool Pokémon! Granteda blindfolded monkey could have chosen better Pokémon compared to my fellow editor did, yet this selection (almost) makes up for it. Beartic is classified as a Freezing Pokémon, who is actually made from icehockey, and his level one skill is named Superpower. That is right, Beartic starts with Superpower.
More than anything else, I’m just impressed that Kyle did not select Beartic’s unevolved kind, Cubchoo (that the snot-dripping teddy on the best ).
Official Pokémon Rating: 9
Now that we’ve suffered through Kyle’s horrendous picks, let’s look at what are in fact the ideal Pokémon of Black and White Version 2, as picked by an expert…
The Real Best Pokémon:
Samurott
I was not kidding when I said Oshawott was the obvious choice for a beginning Pokémon, also Samurott is the reason . Oshawott’s goofy seashell (which still kind of seems like a wang for me) even evolves to awesome Shell Armor, as well as judging from Samurott’s pecs, this Pokémon is now ripped. Need further proof? Samurott’s species is recorded as Formidable Pokémon. ’nuff said.
Simisage is a Thorn Monkey species of Pokémon, and judging by his picture, he obviously knows how to rock. He’s got an Elvis-like coif, a barbed tail that he attacks his opponents with, and big, funny monkey ears. Simisage is really cool that he’s offering himself the thumbs-up, which is well deserved.
I’m pretty sure Gurdurr is the strongest Pokémon in all Pokéworld. Additionally, it’s holding a sneak beam over its own head! Look at all of its bulging muscles Gurdurr is so powerful it is kind of gross. If you need more proof, the Pokédex clarifies Gurdurr as follows:
« This Pokémon is really muscular and firmly built that a group of wrestlers could not make it budge an inch »
Let’s see your Musharna stand up to this, Kyle.
Official Pokémon Rating: 10
Throh
I didn’t even know Pokémon wear clothing, however Throh is wearing a gi, and he is a black belt . Like Gurdurr, Throh is also a straight-up Fighting-type Pokémon, along with also his species is Judo Pokémon. Throhs are so powerful they don’t even evolve — that’s correct, not evolution can enhance them.
Like I said, I have zero issue with this pick. Minccino is cute!
Coming Up : Five Amazing Pokémon…
Darmanitan
Here is another heavy hitter that Kyle completely passed up. Darmanitan is categorized as a Blazing Pokémon, that explains why its eyebrows are on fire. As if a fire ape is not frightening enough, here is Darmanitan’s Pokédex description:
« Its internal fire burns 2,500º F, even making enough power that it can destroy a dump truck with a single punch. »
2,500º F would be the melting point of steel. Steel. Not the Terminator can defy molten steel! Now that’s a Pokémon!
Official Pokémon Rating: Stronger Than Arnold Schwarzenegger
Galvantula
If you ever ran into a Galvantula, then you could just dismiss it as a semi-creepy bug. It could be the last mistake you ever make; as soon as you turned round, it might shoot electric webs out of its fangs to jolt you into submission. Then it would eat you. Don’t believe me that Nintendo would accept this type of menacing Pokémon? To the Pokédex entrance:
« They employ an electrically charged web to snare their prey. Although it’s immobilized by shock, they consume it »
Notice, Galvantula does not just absorb its own foes — it consumes them, like it is no big thing. Even a Xenomorph would shudder and run off from one of these things.
Official Pokémon Rating: 10
Golurk
Let us be fair: Golurk is basically The Iron Giant, from that one picture whose name I can not recall. It might not be all that original, but it doesn’t make Golurk any less badass. Golurk is categorized as an Automaton Pokémon — for those who don’t understand, »Automaton » is Latin for »Giant robot that kills everything in its path. » Its Pokédex entrance makes it seem even cooler:
« It flies across the sky at Mach rates. Taking away the seal on its torso makes its internal energy go out of control »
Which of Kyle’s Pokémon wants to go up against that?
Official Pokémon Rating: Supersonic Robot Bomb
Genesect
This robot bug might not look as frightening as some of the other Pokémon on this record, but he’s got quite the backstory. Genesect is a Paleozoic Pokémon that was initially dwelling 300 million years ago, as it was »worried since the strongest of predators, » in accordance with the Pokédex. Then it had been bolstered by Team Plasma, making it much stronger by including a cannon to the rear. Quick side note: should you decide to use science to resurrect an ancient being dreaded because of its unparalleled searching skills, do not offer this kind of cannon.
Predictably, Genesect broke from the laboratory and has never been seen . To make matters worse, its cannon can be outfitted with four distinct drives, endowing it with all the powers of four different kinds of regular Pokémon.
No one knows the story behind Genesect’s title; lovers believe it either means »genesis bug » or »genetic insect » I have my own theory: In Japanese, this frightful creature is actually known as Genosect — I’m guessing the true significance of its title is »genocide insect »
Official Pokémon Rating: Genocide Bug
Thundurus
There is not much to say, other than that Thundurus ai not screwing around. Thundurus is a Legendary Pokémon, and is categorized as a Bolt Strike Pokémon. All of his abilities sound great: Uproar, Astonish, Thundershock, Terrible Plot. . .Okay, I really don’t know about this last one, however, the others are rather cool.
